I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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