i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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