after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
