having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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