Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
