Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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