would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
