He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
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Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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