i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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