Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
