Pregnant stripper...not hot.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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