yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
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70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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