I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
