SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
