there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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