I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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