She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
