I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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