The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
