I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
