and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
