How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
