Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Quick, to the slutcave!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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