Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
third nipple confirmed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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