Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
