Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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