I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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