U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
