i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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