so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
