You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
