If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
