the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is wine microwaveable?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
