You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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