Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
