you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
