it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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