maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
