new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
