apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
