Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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