Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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