We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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