wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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