Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
