he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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