we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
