oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
