Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
