i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
