well I can't set my house on fire every night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize