He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
is it fun? or sober?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
