i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize