thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
