Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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