Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
