he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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