I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
