he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
