it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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