I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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