I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
