Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
